she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
