Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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