is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
