as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
that may or may not have been my penis.
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