We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
