it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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