I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
