Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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