Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
