I think I won the penis lottery.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
