No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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