Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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