her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
