i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
