some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
