When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
