this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
