A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
