how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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