I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
