accomplished twins. life is a go
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The power of my boobs compel you
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
