I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
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