Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
