so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize