It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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