I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
