Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize