So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
