new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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