Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
