You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
