I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
