i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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