They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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