From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
