Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
