That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
