giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
