so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
