is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize