$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
