Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
