i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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