I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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