just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
