lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Is Oprah even human
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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