her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We had to coat check the pizza.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize