I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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