why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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