tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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