I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
