dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
