she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
