This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
A+ Viking dick
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