wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
