whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I didn't shave. On purpose
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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