Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
