life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
