If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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