you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
