I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
