This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
smell my finger.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
