i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
