she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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