We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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