He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
