I wannas sexs uuuuu
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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