Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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