She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
