I'm drive I can fine osifer
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
