The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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