Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
