that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
