I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
