Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
