I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
