guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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