I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
