i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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