3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
