What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
