we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
