Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
zippers are such a cool invention
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
