Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
