It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
