There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize