if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
