There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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