Are we in a gay sports bar?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
