Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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