At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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