i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
