We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
